Resilience | Resilience Know How

Question: I am determined to overcome social anxiety. but how?

(Posted by: on 2010-08-30 06:24:17)

It has been a massive burden on my shoulders for most of my life. I seriously refuse to continue life if I don't start trying to overcome this phobia, it's seriously killing me. I feel like I'm wasting my life away, and it's really concerning me especially because I'm young + should be out there enjoying my youth (I'm nearly 16). People always say "Oh, you are just shy, it will be fine. " NO IT WILL NOT BE FINE, it will be fine for them because they don't even understand what anxiety can do to you. I find it really difficult to have a flowing conversation with anyone in school, because I get nervous and cut the conversation short, even though I don't want to. I feel nauseous + get a panic attack every sunday because I have to go to church + trust me my church has many people, especially young people. I feel like everyone is judging me and thinks that I'm weird. I feel like I have somewhat a reputation now as being "The really shy girl. " My 2 siblings are really popular and can talk to anyone, and I just feel like I'm making them look bad or something. Has anyone else ever been in this position + maybe even been successful in overcoming it? I'm 100 % ready and determined, just please help me? I'm starting to get desperate. Thanks for the answers so far guys, it's really helpful. By the way, I was bullied when I was really young until pretty recently, so I think that might have helped my anxiety to start a lot.

Posted by: hailey998 on 2010-08-30, 06:40:40

Thoughts have a lot to do with it. You have full control over your own thoughts, even when it doesn't seem like it. When you feel the anxiety coming on, you need to first, pay attention to your thoughts, and second, choose to not believe the negative ones. Breathing is another unbelievable trigger. Try and take deeper breaths as you are feeling your panic onset, breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. And if none of these things help in the slightest, go talk to a psychologist, because you are still young, but these things will stand in your way, sort it out now, but just try not to take medication for it, get to the root cause... Good luck

Posted by: Bob on 2010-08-30, 06:30:27

Woah woah okay hold on. First of all, I'm 15, nearly 16 as well. I'm home schooled and sort of going thru the same as you, (maybe not to the same degree). Now, first, don't be silly about ending your life, that's just not the way to go. Second, to relate to you so you know you're not alone, I'm terrible in social gatherings, I wish I was out there living my life, but sadly I'm not, I find social encounters rather uncomfortable to say the least, I don't have much to talk about and I feel as if people find me a bit odd. I want to try and get prepared to go back to school next year for the last 2 years and try to live a good life, but I gotta prepare and it's gonna scare me. but I feel as if I can do it. Thirdly, since I've had a couple friends before and I was alright at social gatherings is to be completely open, at the risk of looking silly and dumb, say funny things and just smile, eventually you might genuinely enjoy the situation you're in. Fourth, you can contact me if you want to talk more, probably wouldn't hurt myself either.

Posted by: Mrs. Dutkiewicz on 2010-08-30, 06:32:09

Im the exact same.. I want to go out and have fun with friends but i dont have many and cant make new ones.... I really want to change too! Im also 15.. Not sure why im telling u this but i hope it helps u to know your not the only one :)

Posted by: Jerry on 2010-08-30, 06:33:45

Go to: ecouch.anu.edu.au/ welcome Select "social anxiety " for free Cognitive Behavio(u)ral Therapy. An exercise which may help you is called "Act as If. " When you are in a social situation, act as if you are outgoing. Talk more; smile at people, ask questions, speak in a normal or excited tone, not a meek tone. Watch some of your more outgoing peers, and imitate the style of their social behavior. (PRETEND that you are an ACTOR, PLAYING a PART). Research shows that when you "act as if " continually, your image of yourself begins to conform to your new behavior. In this case, you will gain self-esteem and self-confidence, and begin to see yourself as socially normal, not shy. You will become more socially successful, and this will motivate you to continue your new social behavior until it becomes a habit. A form of therapy is to go somewhere that nobody knows you, and deliberately make an utter fool of yourself: put on a paper hat, and yell out: "I'm queen/ king of America! ", or something else ridiculous, (make up your own - have some fun, safely) then get back in the taxi, (warn the driver of your intentions, first) or car, and leave. People will point, and say: "Look at that idiot ". Or, possibly in the company of a friend, or family member, on a different train, or bus route to your regular one, call out the names, or numbers of all the stops. It will teach you that, although it isn't actually pleasant, (EXPECT MODERATE DISCOMFORT/ EMBARRASSMENT) you will survive; be stronger for the experience, and the next time (should you need to repeat this type of therapy) will be considerably easier. Remember: "A fear avoided is a fear strengthened; a fear faced is a fear reduced. " Regard it as your final test: once you have accomplished it, the barrier will be broken; just don't go too far, the other way! Learn to laugh at yourself, and give a big, cheesy grin when others see you do something foolish, as we all do, occasionally. It is endearing, if you don't do it too often. Use positive affirmations: for example: "I am very likable and other people feel comfortable around me ". Write down all of your self limiting beliefs; then write down, or print, in large type/ capitalisation, the positive counter of them, (exact opposite) and repeat them and imprint them into your mind. Put it in a prominent position, where you will see it regularly. Most importantly: Force yourself to approach somebody and initiate some sort of communication. Start out small by asking the time, or directions and gradually go bigger. Although there are anti-anxiety medications (anxiolytics) available, these come with risks, and the possibility of side effects, habituation, even addiction, and withdrawal problems, and are unsuitable for young people. Try having a cup of "Tension Tamer ", etc., or make some at home, and cool, then bottle, and drink as needed. C(h)amomile tea tastes better. As with all herbal/ green teas, use lemon/ lime, and/ or a little sweetener (NOT ARTIFICIAL!!!) but no cream, or milk. Xylitol, or Stevia is preferable, from health food stores. Valerian has also been recommended, but some people experience "valerian hangovers ". Ensure you know how you react to it, before doing something potentially dangerous, like going out on the roads. The idea is to use the above products like water wings, to provide initial, short term support, while you become proficient in those techniques. Use a relaxation method daily, like drcoxconsulting.com/ managing-stress.html or altmedicine.about.com/ cs/ mindbody/ a/ Meditation.htm or wikihow.com Meditate or Tai Chi, Qi Gong, or yoga. Give the EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. It is free via the searchbar at mercola.com "EFT " & "EFT therapists " or tapping.com (13 free videos). Professional is best. - There is a version for use in public places, (if you want to, you can claim to have a headache, as you massage/ lightly tap your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: saying it to yourself in your mind: "Even though I suffer from social anxiety, I deeply and completely accept myself. "

Posted by: inam on 2010-08-30, 06:38:52

Its to do with how well you eat and if you dont beleive me, try it for yourself. Get some Vitamin B complex tablets low dose, then, 10 minutes before you are about to enter into a stressful situation that is making you anxious take the Vitamin B complex, preferable with a meal. Then, you will find yourself feeling much more able to respond better. Being low on Vitamin C can also make you feel anxious and low. Check out my tip for a active life at my blog. ibby-weightlosstips.blogspot.com/

Posted by: Goldielocks on 2010-08-30, 06:39:15

= o) Hi Veronica, Aww you are a sweet beautiful young lady. I was really shy too when I was a teenager. I am 45 now and I feel really uncomfortable around a crowd of people. I too, think people are judging me. Mine is due to things I have been through in life. Some of it, I think is things that I have done and some is because of things that people have done to me. I can't say that you will out grow it. If you seek counseling, they could help you. Other than that, I say just fake it. Do you realize how many ladies out there in the world that fake confidence?

Posted by: Marilyn25 on 2010-08-30, 06:50:34

I'm 26 and had this problem too, and it took me freaking ages to overcome it. Still get shy and anxious around some people and, yeah, that whole difficulty with having a flowing conversation? I totally get you on that! Some of the things that have helped me are: 1) the realization that not everyone is always judging you or thinking you're weird, even though you keep thinking they are! I still have to keep that in mind even until today! 2) yes, there are always going to be some people who think you're weird or who won't like you, but then they could be thinking the same thing about anybody else and usually these people tend to be judgmental people who are just silly anyway. They would be judgmental about a puppy if they could so don't let it get you down. Also, keep in mind, there are always going to be some people like that and there are also just going to be some people you don't get along with and that's just the way life is, it's the same for everybody else and doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. They could be thinking the same thing about the very girl you think who is popular and gets along well with everyone else, just that you don't know that. 3) You've only got one life so make the most of it and try not to give a fig about what other people think. 4) Something that helps is to not think about your anxiety and yourself when you are talking to someone by instead focusing on THEM. Ask them questions about themselves, like how they've been doing and how is their family, is their mom/ sis recovering well from her cold, how is their school assignment going, et cetera. Most people tend to be flattered and are quite happy to talk about themselves and will be pleased that you are showing a genuine interest in them. Something that might help is to prepare a list of questions to think of asking someone. 5) Another great way of overcoming this is to join, say, a drama club or debate team, something where you will have to participate with people. It might be a bit stressful at first and you might feel really shy and have trouble fitting in, but slowly, as you are forced to speak out, believe me, it will get easier and help you with your confidence. Doesn't have to be drama or debate, even, just something you enjoy. photography or something. It's hard, I know, and I still have trouble even now. But you can do it, I know you can! Good luck with it and don't let any setbacks get you down, plant your feet on the ground and try again. :)

Posted by: Edward on 2010-08-30, 07:36:23

One of the secrets to minimizing an anxiety attack is to learn to work your way through the anxiety attack. Anyone who has ever undergone the panic and suffering that accompanies an anxiety attack knows the feeling of fear that is pretty much indescribable to anyone who has not experienced this sensation.. fellow this site: squidoo.com/ Attacking-Anxiety_Your-Helpful-Guide

Posted by: Perfect Generation on 2010-08-30, 09:04:37

Hello there, If you have social anxiety it means you are AFRAID of dealing with people. you FEAR dealing with people because you think they are better than you and you are afraid they may not like you or they may say something bad about you, which will hurt you because you value their opinion about you more than anything. It is time to change that. God commanded us to THINK and BELIEVE that we are more than PERFECT because he created us with his BREATH (which is the spirit of God), saved us with the blood of Jesus and has given us the Holy Spirit to help us beleive that we are perfect. What more do we need? You MUST start thinking the way God wants us to think, that we are PERFECTLY made. You are PERFECT no matter what you look like or what you have done. 1. REPEAT in your mind to your self that you are PERFECT every moment (dont say it out, THINK it in your mind. stop now and repeat it 20 times in your head befor you go to the next point) 2. Dont FEAR what people will say or think 3. REPEAT in your mind every moment that you are PERFECT 4. Pray to holy spirit to help you to keep thinking this way. you will be feeling happy in a few weeks. Remember, this will be your way of thinking for the rest of your life God bless and help you can contact me on perfectgeneration@ymail.com

Posted by: phillip b on 2010-08-31, 00:48:51

Therapies for this are spiritual healing / reiki hypnotherapy regular masssage Spiritual healing ,Seichim and Reiki healing This is the application of spiritual energies to the effect of helping people on all levels of their being . That includes Your mental well being Your emotional well being Your physical well being Your spiritual well being . There are millions of these therapists around the world and people travel from far and wide to them .Billions of people have been helped from these therapies . And like all therapists there are good and not so good and some specialise in certain conditions like the physical and some do the mental etc .It is important to find the therapist which suits your complaint . But you must bear this in mind all healing comes under what is known as spiritual law = you will be healed to the extent that you have earnt .ie your karma –the reaping and sowing of all deeds done 0ften from past lives .And what you are doing for the service of others in this life . Thus you may easily two people with the same complaint go for healing and only one of them gets healed .which is why voluntary work is vital for your healing. You must Find good therapists in your area / and a good spiritualist church who often give their services for free as an offering to the divine . All you do is usually sit down in a comfortable chair and relax and think good loving thoughts –the healer may or may not place their hands upon you .That depends on how they are working . You can even put your names healing books where believe it or not healing is sent to you by thought and that can be very powerful as well. Spiritual healing -- study the healing of harry edwards google search Harry Edwards recalled the case of a young man who, accompanied by a lady, was brought to me for healing. He was in great pain and eaten-up with arthritis. As the healing proceeded, so his pains left him, and his joints began to loosen and become free. When I had finished treating him, it was a real delight to see how wonderfully glad he was to be able to use his legs, feet, arms and hands again... and then he told me: "When I came here, I was convinced no one could help me, and I came only to please my Aunt, who brought me. " You worked a miracle with his father when he was very ill 1983-84 when I wrote to you, but you will be pleased to know he is now working for the Council and lives a fairly normal life. I's report is complete - he is 100% fit and will have no trouble in resuming his sporting activities -considering the first reports, this is a miracle. I do not know how I would have managed without your wonderful help. You and the late Harry Edwards helped me so often and indeed I am still pressing on 18 years after I was expected to die from my last bout of cancer. I wrote to ask for healing for my sister who was to undergo an operation for aneurysm in the aorta. Her operation was very successful. After 1 day in intensive care and 2 days in progressive care she was back in her own room and has done extremely well. She was allowed home after 7 days when she had been told to expect to be in hospital for 10 to 15 days. Everyone was amazed at her recovery and the surgeon told her she had been a perfect patient. I feel sure the absent healing and our prayers were to a great extent responsible for this wonderful recovery and I thank you most sincerely for your help. I thought perhaps you would like to have a record of the people you have helped during the time I have been sending reports. M.L. -angina, complete recovery. D. L. -duodenal ulcer, complete healing. B.L. - Angina, complete recovery. P.D. - Leukaemia - apparent full recovery. On behalf of my mother, daughter and myself may I thank you for the lovely day at your Sanctuary last Tuesday. My mother is so much better it is truly amazing. She can stretch out her arms and even raise them to her head and her walking is much stronger. My daughter was very impressed, too. 1141/ 6 My condition improved in as much as I now have much more self-confidence and ability to deal with my everyday life. 1145/ 6 G.S. Good news. Up until recently he had to be helped to get into and out of his car. It is adapted to enable a disabled person to drive, The other day he got into his car entirely on his own and drove some 12 miles to a nearby town. Got out on his own and went into a shop to make a purchase. No wheelchair anymore! 1142/ 6 You both, along with our friends in Spirit, have been directing healing for our daughter who, as I told you, has been given a full bill of health, thank you. 1146/ 6 I must report to you the miracle that soon after writing to you about my husband's ill health due to smoking, he decided to give up the habit and has not smoked since. I never thought it possible. It has been well worth it all. His general health has improved considerably. 1148/ 6

Posted by: Teagan Johnson on 2010-09-02, 12:59:46

Take it in steps: 1.Analyze the reasons for your fear. Knowing what is causing social phobia can help you overcome it. Sometimes you may feel as though there is no rhyme or reason to your phobia, but try to find the root of your fear. 2.Realise that not everyone is judging you. Often times social phobia can be a result of thinking that everyone around you is passing judgment on you. If so, take a step back, and realize that most people don't care. 3.Start out small. Make small talk with people you see often, employees, schoolmates, or other people that you come in contact with. 4.Do something spontaneous in public. This can help you overcome the "embarrassment factor, " which can contribute a lot to social phobia. Levels of craziness may vary; one person may feel uncomfortable wearing a mini skirt while another will only feel uncomfortable when they are wearing a Martian suit. Although you may feel awkward when you do something crazy, after wards you may find that you feel a sense of accomplishment or pride. 5.Find a club, team, or a group that relates to one of your interests and skills. You will have fun and meet new people due to the small and intimate environment. This makes it easier to force yourself to talk, you can't just get lost in the crowd. 6.Use self motivation. This can help you to push yourself and reach your goal of overcoming social phobia. 7.The first thing that you have to do before any other is to realize an important fact. People want to be talked to. Communication is the most common voluntary activity in any culture, ever. So relax. 8.Know that socializing is 80% mental, and 20% practice. If you are too concerned with what others think about you, then it makes talking to them nearly impossible. Lighten up a little, start with some small talk. Give them a compliment or two. People love compliments. It’s a fact. 9.Don't be obsessive or talk about things that your co-converser really doesn't seem interested in. Despite what you think, it’s not that hard to tell. If you know anything about your target, you should know what he or she is or isn't into. 10.For large groups, just hang back and relax. There are a bunch of people contributing into the conversation, so don't feel like you're pressured to say something. The key is acting like you're comfortable. When you get a chance to contribute something meaningful that you think the others will appreciate, throw it in there. You'll do just fine. 11.If you slip up and say something stupid, don't worry about it. Everyone does it, even the popular kids. Try listening to what they say with a critical ear and you'll hear that they make mistakes just as much as anyone else. It's just really obvious when you get caught up on it and obsess over whether it was the right thing to say or not. 12.Remember that the majority of people are not interested in your flaws. Most people make an effort to pay attention to the good things people do and say, so express your good qualities and ignore your bad ones. Chances are others will too. Those who pick at your flaws usually do so because of a lack of self-esteem on their part; just remember that them being negative towards you is a huge flaw in their personality. 13.Don't fall into the trap of thinking you must fake confidence. people will see right through it and you will end up looking like a douche bag. Instead, know your positive qualities and be proud of them. Remember that EVERYONE has something to be confident about, even you. Notice that some of the 'cool kids' don't even have a large amount of good qualities yet they still have high self esteem; they can just be confident about their confidence, which is a good quality in itself. Anyone can choose to attain it. 14.If you feel like there's nothing you can contribute socially, just try being kind and see where it gets you. People like to be around people who make them happy, and kindness is a really easy way to make others happy. Give genuine compliments, make eye contact, show interest, and SMILE. Whatever you can do to brighten someone's day is a point in your favor. 15.Stop worrying about you. Nobody cares if you feel like you're being judged or treated unfairly. Instead, worry about making the people around you feel more comfortable in any way you can. Even if you're not good at it, just having the intention makes a huge difference. Eventually (sooner than you think) you'll get really good at making others comfortable and happy, and lots of people will want to be around you. 16.There is nobody stopping you from getting over social phobia. It most certainly isn't permanent. You just need to take your time and accomplish things step by step, because it isn't something that can be changed overnight.