Resilience | Resilience Know How

Question: How do i overcome this serious obsession over someone?

(Posted by: jumperwithnohops on 2010-09-03 02:09:58)

She was/ is a great friend who has always been there for me and we grew up together. We have always just been friends through school. Just before we left to different universities I realised that I always had feelings for her. I told her the summer before we left. She didn't want me. I understood I would be down and depressed for a while and one day would move on. But that didnt happen, its been more than a year and my problem has escaladed. I always obsess over her, when i am around her I feel so happy, when she talks to me I am so happy but when i see other guys talkin to her I feel so angry and depressed. I know this is wrong and i need to move on but how do i do that if she is one of my closest friends? Its funny cos every time I am down she picks me up but then she is the reason i am always down in the first place. I want this problem to end once in for all because if i act like everything is fine and try and find happiness elsewhere, weeks/ months later i will end up in this state again. I wanna know if this is a serious problem. I dont know if this would be a good idea, i am thinking of just disappearing, lose all communication with her forever and start a new life. because i know that i will never be over her as long as she is in my life and i want her to be safe from someone who is obsessed (me). I think i am a creep :(

Posted by: monument on 2010-09-03, 02:14:59

Wait a while before worrying if you will overcome your obsession. Denying you have an obsession is always the first part of having an obsession and admitting you have an obsession is the second part. Trying to release yourself from the obsession is the third part but as this is the hardest part don't rush it. I nearly had the same trouble once. I just gave in, sated myself on the person and then moved on - at least i hope I've moved on!

Posted by: Kevin Williamson on 2010-09-03, 02:15:20

I felt like that about an ex-girlfriend once. Had to go cold turkey and not see them for a while. Then, believe it or not, you end up meeting someone else who captures your feelings instead. It might not seem like it yet, but concentrate on getting on with your own life and things will happen. The girl of your dreams may be just around the corner- and you won't notice her if you're thinking about this other one. Trust me, it will take time, but look after yourself first, try and see your guy friends a bit more and have some fun. It would have worked out with this girl by now if you were meant to be together. Move on, and in time things will numb down so you can be just friends again. Plenty of time to meet new people, it'll be ok mate!

Posted by: PraoWolf on 2010-09-03, 02:16:58

Well you don't need to disappear off the planet, geez man. But you definately should cut communication with her, as that is only exacerbating the problem. You love her fair enough, but she doesn't love you, I know exactly where you're at believe me. Don't let it ruin you. I did and it was hell to find my way back. You just need to realize that not everyone will love you, just because you love them, doesn't mean you shouldn't love them regardless. A professor once told me this "I love all of you, completely just as you are, and if you don't love me back, that's fine. " Yea a professor, but it basically hit me, that we can love everyone but that doesn't mean everyone will love us back and just because they don't doesn't mean we should stop loving them either. But for your own sanity, you need to get away from her, she may not realize it, but she is hurting you by being your friend. Believe me I feel for you, as I was in that same exact boat, fell in love and she didn't. It wasn't until I broke away completely that I got over it, and I'm still not FULLY over her, but I know it can never be, and I love my wife far more than I ever loved her......

Posted by: Jake on 2010-09-03, 02:22:19

Get over yourself she dosent want u get a life and move on !

Posted by: Sangmo on 2010-09-03, 02:47:06

These are deep feelings, and unrequited love can be a serious blight, not only in fiction. However, it is entirely normal, it is one of the challenges of adult life, and one moves on emotionally, in time. We're all pragmatists at heart. This girl doesn't sound right for you at all, you are fortunate in having plenty of time away from her company, it's much more difficult when, for example, someone feels this way about a work colleague, which isn't uncommon. Concentrate your energies on developing yourself as a adult person and as a deserving recipient of a girl's feelings, in a generalised sense. You made your feelings known to her, that was brave and right, now make it clear, to yourself as much as anyone, that you can and will move on. You may need to focus, for example, on your academic achievements, and then on your career, at the same time building new networks of friends. Don't despair, these are fine feelings to have, and mean that in time you will find the right person. Maybe sometime you'll turn up at a meeting of school friends with a girl you like from university - but don't aim for a serious relationship too soon, you need to build up your resources.